With Love, Elle & Jaziel
The orange sky that was starting to be covered in brown color indicated that the twilight was starting to end and replaced by night, the sound of birds flying over the vast sky that was not blocked by any buildings, the sea breeze that gently touched the skin of two pairs of people who were partly drowned their feet by the sand of the beach. Elle knew that it was getting dark soon but there was no movement from the man beside her, Jaziel, who was still busy gazing at the view of sunset slowly sinking beneath the sea as if it was something he wanted to enjoy for a while longer.
In the midst of that silence, with Elle who was still focused on staring at Jaziel’s side profile, her mind went wandering to a moment when almost every night she kept thinking, how could there be someone who is not afraid to be seen, to be known, to be someone with so much passion.
And she knew that time who she was thinking about.
As Elle continued to hide behind this fast-moving world, Jaziel wasn’t afraid to run with the others. He’s not afraid to be in front even though Elle know that Jaziel has stopped several times on the side of the road, then takes a breath and calculates how long it will take him to run to the finish line, then nods and steps his feet to run, again.
It felt like that strange feeling when you came out from a theater room and all of sudden you can relate with the main character’s life and that’s when it hits you the most of how sometimes the problems that you have had been shown to you through each scene in one movie you purposely or accidentally have watched.
The difference is, somehow we know how the director put an ending –especially if it has a happy ending, in the movie as if the settlement could also be used in real life. But in this case, unfortunately for Elle even after she watched it until the credit title, she’s still lost.
She’s still lost with the way everyone always doubting her.
Always say that she might not be able to do this or to do that in the smallest voice they have, behind her.
How they would feel ashamed to introduce her to new people.
How they never reached their hands out to at least hold her so she wouldn’t fall, but they always think that no, why should she fall? So they keep their hands to themselves.
Back then, every time she looked at Jaziel, she always thought to herself that Jaziel was everything she wanted to be yet everything she was too scared to be. It felt so far yet so vivid in Elle’s mind how she could be anything she wanted to be just if she had a little bit more courage to do everything.
And this is where the magic happened.
When Elle saw Jaziel standing in front of her while wearing his heart on his sleeve, he asked gently if he can hold her hands whose wearing gloves made by insecurities that she always wanted to quit. It happened like a slow burn kind of story if she must explain, but for short, it felt like you were running from everything you wanted to let go but suddenly everything was too precious to let go, it felt like you found a little sanctuary far from a place you used to call home.
If you ever know people who gave you an impression of a wind –impossible to hold, came just to caress your hair and kiss your cheeks then leave, Elle was thinking the same about Jaziel not until she realized that this time it’s not a wind. It came like a home personified, with brown eyes, a sharp gaze that will melt once he smiles, a little heart-shaped birthmark right on his neck that could be seen from the side. It felt as if you are a Rapunzel who lived in a tower built by yourself for as long as you could remember and finally someone helped you to destroy the tower so that you could be everything you were too insecure to be, everything you were too scared to try, and everything you were too wilted to bloom.
“Should we go back now or do you want to stay longer?” Just like a snap of a finger, Jaziel’s calm voice brought Elle back to reality where both of them still sat on the sand facing the beach and its’ sunset. The air was getting colder but somehow it’s always warm around him. “Five more minutes?” Elle smiled and Jaziel answered her with a nod while giving a little pat on her hair. As she continued to look at the sunset, without her realization this time Jaziel kept looking at her side profile whose getting sun-kissed as if the sun didn’t want to let her go from its’ embrace.
“Elle are you happy?” Jaziel suddenly asked and in no second Elle looked back at him and smiled. “More than ever.”
“I used to always run and run without looking back to myself and ask am I happy doing this or not, and most of the time I always felt like I ran for nothing but my expectation for myself,” said Jaziel. He looked down at his hands whose playing with the sand. “It felt like I lived to witness myself withering day by day,” he continued.
And all this time I thought he was content with himself.
With a thumping heart, Elle held his hands. “And you never told me about this?” As Jaziel raised his head to look at Elle who was now facing his body right in front of him, he returned the grip tightly. “Because the time I met you I know I can live again with ease, and adding the fact that you are happy now it’s enough for me.”
Because it was her who taught him how to lean back and be present in the moment for the first time.
Because it was him who taught her how to be brave and how to embrace herself for the first time.
And finally, he could feel comfortable with himself. Finally, she could introduce herself to the world proudly and happily. Finally, he could get a grip on himself again. And finally, she could prove all the doubts that she got made no sense.
And just like them, I know for sure that after this, you too, could make the best out of yourself in the middle of the chaos that has been surrounding your thoughts, maybe after this the weather would feel warmer, the air would feel fresher, the sky would look a lot brighter in blue and finally, everything would be worth it too.